Random thoughts

I’ve spent a lot of time in this small town.  I’ve questioned myself a million times. I decided I’m unhappy. But then I went out and had a great time. So that’s not un-happiness.
I got a haircut. I didn’t feel the change. I got new glasses. It didn’t make me feel better. Well… maybe just a little.

I went to noisy bars. I didn’t enjoy myself. I went to small but crowded “ouzeris”. I had the best time.
I met some of the worst people I know. I don’t regret not being nice to them.
I met some amazing people. I’m so glad I stayed with them until 4 am.
Somebody hit on me and I didn’t say no. But I don’t know if I want to say yes. I don’t know if I want this guy. Actually, no.  I know I don’t. But it’s not black and white. It’s not just yes or no. There’s also “I wouldn’t mind”. And that might be worse. But I’ve stopped caring, quite a while ago.

Incomplete. Yes, this is the word. Not unhappy- just incomplete. But who’s complete anyway?
There’s so many people I wish I were with and so many people who are away from me.

I miss you.

I need a break. Or I need to go back and continue with my normal life.

I wish every time I went out was super fun. Like that time, a few days ago, when I was out with two friends and we met a bunch of other guys.  And we talked and we laughed and I enjoyed every second.

Or like that time, almost 2 months ago, when we stayed up all night long with some amazing friends, on a balcony with the most beautiful view.

Or that time, even longer ago, when I spent hours and hours with a good friend and we talked and watched “Daria” and ate crepes with chocolate.

I want to scream. I want to not care at all. I want space. And some time on my own. I haven’t had that in forever.
I want to look up and say I’m happy.

I smile.
It feels nice. That’s a step!

Little stars

I’m lying down and staring at the stars.
The music is too loud. Am I too old to say that?
Everything is so messed up. I messed it up. I let it consume way too much of me, I let it become part of my life, though it was always meant to belong just in my imagination. That was clear from very early on. I broke myself from the inside.

"And I keep wondering, babe, was I not good enough?"I wasn't good enough.
Or special enough.

But he is special enough for me.
Or maybe too special.
Maybe way too special.

The stars are bright and countless. Sometimes I see some of them moving. But they’re most likely just airplanes. And that's a thought that steals away some of the magic of the nightsky.

So messed up.  It’s not a night for dancing. It’s a night for watching the stars.

I'll stop calling for feminism

Nowadays, more and more awareness is being raised on the topic of "gender equality" and more and more support is being provided to feminist groups that keep growing and asserting themselves. However, as it can be easily assumed, with the consistent empowerment of the whole movement of feminism come the people, usually men but sadly also women, that claim that we've come too far, that we try to spot a misogynistic behavior even where there isn't any or where it exists only as a joke that we shouldn't condemn. 

Some people have even come up with the lovely term "feminazi" which is supposed to be reminiscent of a woman that is fat and ugly and thus cannot get a man- because obviously the whole purpose of any woman shall be to get a man and in order to do so she should also be what is socially acceptable as pretty- and because of this woman's incapability of getting a man, she's started to resent men and blames them for everything and especially for being unjust towards women. 

Along with the usage of the term "feminazis" come some people's request to stop calling for feminism because a) "feminism" is a sexist term itself and thus we should call it "equalism" or "humanism" in general and b) we, in the developed word at least, have already achieved equality. 

First, let me remind you that the whole philosophy of feminism isn't that females should be superior to males but, instead, that females should be equal to men and the term originates from them because they are the ones that need the support, because they have been suppressed for so many many years, from the beginning of mankind to be exact, which "mankind" by the way IS a sexist world. 

Whilst I do recognize that we've come a long way and we've made major steps towards gender equality, we are still a far cry from achieving it, something that is definitely not going to happen if we stop calling for feminism. So, whenever someone tells you that you should stop doing so, remember why you shouldn't and why I'm not going to stop either any time soon.

I'll stop calling for feminism, when I'm able to state that getting married and having children isn't one of my goals in life and not receive criticism or answers like "you'll change your mind when you meet your special man". 

I'll stop calling for feminism, when I'm able to state that I don't know how to cook or how the washing machine works and not receive any nods in disapproval or have people volunteering to teach me because no man will want me without knowing anything about housekeeping.

I'll stop calling for feminism, when I'm able to have an abortion and not have one individual calling me a murderer.

I'll stop calling for feminism, when I pass a whole summer without coming across a post with pictures of female celebrities, stating how much cellulite or weight they've gained and how that indicates that they've stopped caring about themselves. 

I'll stop calling for feminism, when the phrase "like a girl" doesn't indicate that a task was performed clumsily, poorly, or anyway bear a negative meaning and only means that a task was performed by a person that happens to carry some XX chromosomes or happens to identify as a female.

I'll stop calling for feminism, when I go through a job ads page and not come across one ad having as the only quality asked for a girl to be of at least average appearance. 

I'll stop calling for feminism, when no one attributes a female's professional success to the way she looks or accuse her of being offered a high position by sleeping with other men in the company.

I'll stop calling for feminism, when I'm able to walk down a road without wearing a shirt or a bra and not have anyone judging me or associating the view of my breasts with anything sexual just because I happen to have breast tissue.

I'll stop calling for feminism, when I'm able to walk down an empty road without lights til my home at 5am without having to ask my male friend to accompany my, because I know that if I hadn't I'd have to run the few last blocks a little faster because I'd keep thinking of everything that could possilby go wrong.

I'll stop calling for feminism, when there isn't one person blaming the girl for being raped or sexually assaulted and attributing the crime to the way she was dressed or claiming that there was no crime since the rape took place between two married people.

I'll stop calling for feminism, when I'm able to wear my shorter shorts, my strapless top and my highest heels without receiving a winking or a whistle from a male, assuming that because of my attire I'm seeking some male company.

Then and only then, I'll stop calling for feminism, because when that day comes, gender equality will have finally been achieved. 

So, since that day has yet to arrive, whenever someone tells you that you should stop supporting feminism, please ask them to shut up, and please do it like a girl.